Monday, July 24, 2006

My Redemption

Last Saturday was Fergus' 3rd Birthday. The Friday before i made a poem for him called "My Emmanuel", saying in my best attempt for poetry how his arrival in my life was a redemption to me, emotionally.

Before him I was so fed up with the things in my life, and i don't even know why. I quit my work and went back to the Philippines. With it was a year-long conflict with my father and a daily dose of alcohol. Back then I let Jean do all the work. I just stay at home, drawing and painting crazy things or watching tv all morning and go with friends for a booze in the afternoon untill the wee hours, stuffing my mouth with anything that would enduce a "feel good" sensation and escape the broken-ness I felt within me, breaking the bank account along the way. Looking back now, I considered it as the worst days of my life. And the most stupid ever.

Good thing my wife was there. She just took care of me. Didn't even call me a jerk even once when i've been all but good. And when she announced to me that I'm going to be a father, something in my head flicked. I don't know if it was God's touch or me coming to my sense eventually, but from then on I did a 360 in all I did. I made ammends with my father and went back here in Singapore so I can make a fresh start and have enough money for Jean's CS.

The rest, of course, was history. And last Saturday it has been 3 years since. I celebrated it with friends who are mostly Filipinos, with Jean's culinary skills put again to action. I let myself drunk. I sang. I laughed. But most of all I thank God for giving me a gift that continues to give me new lessons in happiness everyday. My son indeed was God's gift. My Emmanuel. Though his arrival never made me a perfect man, but he did, make me... complete.

I know it's a bit late, but anyhow... Happy Birthday, son.