Toilet Jokes

The other day I was so pissed off to know that two hours of my autocad work just went out like a bubble when out of the blue my computer hanged! And I can't even believe it. I had to make them all again in scratch and to make matter worse, I need to send it by the end of the day to the architectural consultant for tender. Yet, being so furious at myself for not saving it from time to time, i took a break and had coffee. when I returned to the computer I received this forwarded email from a friend with filipino toilet jokes in it. Most of the time I don't read forwarded emails. But this time is an exemption since I want to clear my head and start with the work with a fresh mind.

And whadayaknow? Those jokes are so corny it actually worked! I ended up laughing heavily my officemates all turned to look at me.

So if like me you've been burned out lately and wanted a raw laugh, try reading these. No, forget the "Arrested Development" kind of laugh of the british homour style. There are time for that in the comfort of our home couch. This jokes are the kind pinoys are really good of. Yep, toilet jokes. Call it what you want, call it un-intellectual or below class, I don't care. It's what got me started in working again with a clear head.

This has circulated around there's one in five chances that you've already read this. bt for those who did not, here it is (sorry to non- Filipino speaking, these words are of filipino dialects):

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Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?"

Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"

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Bisaya 1: " Gara ng kutsi, siguro kay Miyur iyan."!

Bisaya 2: " Dili bay!"

Bisaya 1: " Kay Hipi?"

Bisaya 2: " Tuntu ka man. Kay FATHER iyan. Gisulat niya sa likud o, "'SAFARI'."


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Misis: " Sir, mananawagan po sana ako sa mister ko kasi dinala niya ang limang anak namin."

Radio Host: " Ok, go ahead!"

Misis: " Honey, ibalik mo na ang mga bata, isa lang naman ang sa iyo diyan!"


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Hello! Heto na naman ako. Gulung-gulo ulit ang isip ko. May nais lang sana akong itanong sa inyo. Alam ko matutulungan niyo ako Ang BIRDS FLU ba ay past tense ng BIRDS FLY?


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Nakasakay ka sa FX, ng ikaw ay mautot. Buti na lang malakas ang tugtog. Bawat pag-utot, sabay sa tugtog. Nang ikaw ay bumaba, ang sasama ng tingin nila sa iyo, bigla mong naalala...naka Walkman ka pala!


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WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon.

HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya "GO TO HELL", kaya ito uwi agad ako.


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Lasing (takot): may multo sa banyo natin!

Wife: ha? Bakit?

Lasing: kasi bumubukas yung ilaw pag papasok ako ng ! banyo eh.

Wife: punyeta ka! ikaw pala umiihi sa ref!


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1st night lola wore see thru dress, lolo didn't react...

2nd night lola wore t-back, lolo still deadma...

3rd night lola all naked, lolo said "anu yan suot mo, gusot-gusot!!"


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AMO: sagutin mo ang telepon inday!

INDAY: (baligtad ang hawak) hilo? hilo?

AMO: baligtarin mo!

INDAY: lohi? lohi?

AMO: telepon ang baligtarin mo!

INDAY: Puntili, puntili


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Juan: bday ng asawa ko

Pedro: ano regalo mo?

Juan: tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.

P: ano naman sinabi?

J: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.

P: ano binigay mo?

J: Baraha.


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Pedro: Galing ako sa doktor, nakabili na ko ng hearing aid. Grabe! ang linaw na ng pandinig ko!

Juan: Talaga?! Magkano bili mo?

Pedro: Kahapon lang


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Teacher: We are descendants of Adam and Eve!

Student: That's not true! My dad sez we are descendants of an Ape!

Teacher: We are not talking about your FAMILY!


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Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na to, let's make love.

Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. maaga pa akong gigising bukas, buti ikaw hindi na.

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KRIMINAL1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?"

KRIMINAL2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito wala parin siya! Sana naman walang nangyaring masama sa kanya."