Thursday, March 16, 2006

Baby/kid jokes

Some of the circulated jokes on the net centering on a kid's innocence about sex. A good fill for a hearty laugh. And the good thing is there's no cholesterol, preservatives, msg, and sugar. A bit green though.

A baby was born so advanced in development he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.
"Are you my doctor?" he asked.
"Why,yes, I am," said the doctor.
The baby said, "Thank you for taking such goodcare of me during the birth."
He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"
"Yes,dear, I am," said the mother, beaming.
"Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.
He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?"
"Yes, I am," his father proudly answered.
The baby motioned him closer, then poked him repeatedly on the forehead with his index finger.
"Hurts, doesn't it!?"

A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor's office. He inquisitively
asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She answered, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked, "Then why did you eat him?"

In a kindergarten class, the teacher ask the class to describe "
heart". The 1st girl raise her hand and stood up and said " heart is red in color". Teacher praise the girl.
Teacher: " Anyone else can give me another answer? "
Another girl raise her hand and got up and said " heart pumps blood".
Teacher praise the girl.
Teacher: " One more answer? "
A little boy got up and said " heart has legs" Amused and puzzled, the teacher ask the boy why he said heart has legs.
The boy said: "I was outside my daddy's room last night and heard my daddy said 'Sweet Heart, Open Your Legs ' You see, heart got legs!!

A little boy and his dad were walking down the street whan they saw two dogs having sex.
The little boy asks his father "Daddy, what are they doing?"
The father says, "Making a puppy" So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex.
The little boy says "Daddy, what are you doing?"
The father replies, "Making a baby."
The little boy says "hmmmm, can you please flip Mommy around? I'd rather have a puppy instead!"

A Primary School teacher decides to teach sex ed. to her class.
She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class,
"Does anyone know what this is?" And little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!"
And the teacher says, "Are you sure about that?"
And little Johnny says, "Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the bathroom, and a big long one to torture my mummy with."

Little Tim was in the garden filling a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster
was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor said, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it, Tim?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth and replied, "That's because I couldn't get him out of your cat."
At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes
it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth".
The boy decides to go home and try it out.
He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he
says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him a $50 >note and says, "Just don't tell your father. "
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."
The father also promptly hands him a $50 note and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way >to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door.
The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."

A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."
The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you
have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper.'"
The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I
have to whisper."
The father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."